How to admit and accept you have an eating disorder
Accepting that I had an eating disorder was the first step in healing. For a long time, I was in denial. Honestly deep down, I always knew, but the normalisation of disordered behaviours by diet culture allowed me to justify my thoughts and behaviours. However, there was always a part of me that would question; is it normal to feel overwhelmed by anxiety after eating a “bad” food or skipping a workout? Is it normal to think about food constantly, study menus and meticulously plan all your meals?
One of the first steps in accepting that I had an eating disorder was being honest with myself and considering the intention behind my behaviours with food and exercise. Through this process, I learnt about diet culture and began to understand that just because a behaviour is normalised does not make it healthy.
It can be helpful to ask yourself; what scares you about admitting that you have an eating disorder? Are you worried about what others will think? Are you scared that you’ll be forced to change? Or do you think you won’t be able to change, so what’s the point? These are all valid concerns, but they are not valid reasons to ignore or deny an eating disorder.
We cannot predict or control what others will think or how they will react. I was terrified to tell my parents. I delayed it for a long time, they were the last people in my support network to find out, and to my surprise, they handled it really well. After hearing their response, I questioned why I had waited so long to tell them. Now of course, not everyone will respond how you want or need them to, but being ashamed of your behaviours will not go away because you keep them private. There will be people who don’t understand and others who, for whatever reason, aren’t able to support you, but the goal is to find those who can, and this might look like reaching out for professional support.
Does admitting you have an eating disorder scare you because you think you’ll be forced to change? Ambivalence is a part of the recovery process and talking about it can help you think about the pros and cons of recovering. Accepting that you have an eating disorder doesn’t mean that someone will or even can make you change, but hopefully with support, you will realise how much more life has to offer when you aren't stuck in an eating disorder.
Do you think you won’t be able to change, so what’s the point in accepting that you have an eating disorder? I experienced this thought, and now that I’ve been through the recovery process, I can tell you that being open and honest with yourself and your supports is a very different experience than trying to make changes on your own without acknowledging the depth of your problem. How do you know that you won't be able to change? I know others who have been where you are, and they've recovered, myself included. It is possible.
What should you do once you’ve accepted that you have an eating disorder?
Initial steps
If you’re questioning whether you’re “sick enough”, the likelihood is that you are. Someone with a healthy relationship with food and their body wouldn't question if they have a problem. Don’t wait until you’re “sick enough”, to start the recovery process. Eating disorder recovery requires acting before you’re ready. If you wait until you’re 100% ready to recover then the reality is, you’ll likely be waiting the rest of your life.
I remember how terrified I felt to reach out to my partner for support, as at the time, I’d only just admitted to myself that my behaviours were disordered. In hindsight, I think it would have been helpful to first speak with a helpline specialising in eating disorders such as, Butterfly National Helpline.
In the midst of my eating disorder, I was in complete denial. Consequently, I completely avoided reading or listening to any eating disorder related content. Once I’d accepted that I had a problem, I couldn’t get enough of hearing about other peoples lived experience of eating disorder recovery. Knowing that there were others out there who had been through a similar experience and were now living a healthy and happy life helped me to feel less alone and gave me motivation and hope. If you need some recommendations of Instagram accounts, YouTube channels or podcasts to follow, reach out to Your Nourished Mind.
Reach out for help
It is important that you reach out to a GP who can monitor your physical health and provide you with an Eating Disorder Plan (EDP). In Australia, an EDP will allow you to access professional support at a subsidised rate.
If you do not meet the full diagnostic criteria for an eating disorder, please do not delay getting support. Clients of Your Nourished Mind do not need to have an eating disorder diagnosis to access support from an Eating Disorder Recovery Coach. I work with people all along the disordered eating spectrum and recognise the detrimental impact that disordered eating can have on someone life. You deserve help regardless of where you fall on the disordered eating spectrum.
I also encourage you to reach out to a family member or friend that you trust and, if you need, can support you with the process of reaching out for professional help.
Do you want more?
It’s important to remember that there is no one size fits all approach to recovery. Recovery looks different for everyone. I recommend that you read my blog, ‘my top 5 recovery tips’, to help you on your recovery journey.